If you haven’t come across Pamela Madsen yet, she’s a popular –if somewhat controversial– sex coach and author. Her book, “Shameless,” is a great read, although her personal solution of a submissive relationship outside her long-term vanilla marriage isn’t an option that I think is viable for most of us.
But I admire her passion and bravery, and her writings are usually worth reading. Her latest article in the Huffington Post is particularly good. In this article, she talks about “Female Responsive Desire.”
Being Desired Turns Women On
The gist is that that many women –perhaps even a majority– find the focused desire of their pursuer a huge turn-on… and when that desire goes away, so does their sex drive. To quote her article:
For women who have responsive sexual desire (which is an extraordinarily large number), it can be really important that they feel sexually desired. If the woman doesn’t feel the desire, she will probably not be inspired to have sex. This is why so many people are addicted to what is known as “New Relationship Energy.” They need to feel hot desire and the game of pursuit to access their full erotic turn on. It’s amazing how quickly a steamy love affair can fade with a woman who has responsive sexual desire, when she feels the hot desire from her lover turn to warm desire .
Women with responsive sexual desire really want you to want them and require erotic stimulation in order to first feel arousal then desire for sex. I think that’s why so many women love to read romantic novels.
This just makes a huge amount of sense. As do her suggestions that the best way to turn on this kind of woman is to shower her with attention in all kinds of ways, including making it clear you desire her sexually.