Know what you’re asking for
So… you have an idea of how you want to spice things up in the bedroom. Maybe you…
- Read 50 Shades, and got turned on by the focus, assertiveness and masculinity of Mr. Gray…
- Saw an article in Cosmo that gave you the idea to try something you’d never have considered before…
- Heard of the guys at the bar mention that his new girlfriend is crazy for anal…
- Saw a commercial on TV for a hotel with a heart-shaped tub…
- Want to visit a Gentleman’s Club in Vegas…
- Want to experiment with toys, bondage, or spanking?
And now… you’re terrified to bring the subject up with your spouse.
But getting the sex you want requires discussing your desires with your partner. Even if it’s hard.
If you don’t ask, the answer is always “No.”
On the plus side, at least you know what turns you on.
So, if you want it, you have to ask for it. Your spouse can’t read your mind.
But… maybe you’re afraid of being rejected?
Well, if you don’t ask, you’ll always be rejected. And remember, timing is everything.
Or, it may be a case that you’re just embarrassed, or afraid of being judged.
But gals, trust me, in most cases men will be delighted to try anything sexual you’d like to explore. Heck, we’ll be incredibly grateful you told us, and trusted us… and will feel closer to you for your just asking!
And the same might go for guys talking to their partners, as well.
If afraid your straight-and-narrow partner might reject you, then think of how to introduce the idea to them in a non-threatening way.
Sometimes, just the right tone of voice goes a long way.
Saying lightly, “Ya know, I’ve always kinda wanted to try that. Ha ha! Isn’t that crazy? But it turns me on.” You didn’t ask or push her for whatever it might be, and at worst, they might say no way, Jose. But there’s a chance they might say yes.
If she says no, it raises the opportunity to ask, again in a non-threatening way, “Really? Why wouldn’t you do that?” She might raise legitimate concerns and objections… and chances are, they’re more about her and how she’s afraid you might view her if she did that thing, than anything having to do with you. But it gives you the chance to start the discussion, and maybe you can convince her to give it a try some time.
And, again, if you don’t ask, then the answer is always, “No.”
So, talking is always the first thing to do. But timing is everything. Perhaps after the kids are asleep on a Saturday, in front of the fire, with a bottle of wine.
And see what you can find out that they might like to try, too.
Read the next post in the Keeping the Spark Alive Series: Discussing Your Sexual Desires with your Partner, Part 2: The Checklist