The Internet is drowning in relationship, self-help and sex books.
I’ve sure bought and read enough of ‘em.
Here are the best ones I’ve come across. I personally have read and recommend these books.
Note that the links to the books are referral links to Amazon; if you buy the books, I do get a small commission, which I’d of course appreciate if you decide to buy the book.
|16 Ways to Love Your Lover||I have lent this book many times, and have always made sure I’ve gotten it back. It really helped me understand that things your partner isn’t wrong, it’s just different. Only available in hardcopy.|
|Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work||Available as a Kindle edition, this is the book that preceded 16 Ways to Love Your Lover.|
|The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts||Are you and your spouse speaking different languages? The author identifies 5 languages that make love last: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.|
|Why Can’t You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship||We all have negative things we do and aren’t even aware of that poison our communication and intimacy. This is a great read on some of the worst, and can also help you figure out how to address your partner’s toxic thoughts.|
|A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells Us About Sexual Relationships||I can’t recommend this book strongly enough! A fact-based romp through the vagaries of people’s real sexual desires, based on the huge data set of Internet Search data. Amazing fun, with the authors interpreting the findings with a cross-section of psychology sex research. After I read it once, I went back to the first page and read again while underlined. Then I read it a third time, aloud, to my wife!|
|Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence||A more heavy-duty dive into Myers-Briggs, this book helps you understand and appreciate yourself and your spouse as different people who have logical preferences and priorities. Understanding is the first step to working things out.|
|Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence||I mention psychotherapist Esther Perel several times in my posts: she asks, “Why does good sex fade?” and answers the question with readable and fact-based answers on what to do to get your sex life back on track.|
|Unlocking the Sexy in Surrender: Using the Neuroscience of Power to Recharge Your Sex Life||This is very quick, very good collaboration of marriage therapist and clinical psychologist with the authors of A Billion Wicked Thoughts, applying their findings to the issue of declining desire in marriage. Great and fast read!|
Sexual Interest – General
|She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman||Did you know the clitoris has 18 parts… and the orgasms a woman experiences from the stimulation of each differs immensely? A combination of education and very specific how-to tips, I think my wife recommends this book even more enthusiastically than I do.|
|The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures||While I am a committed monogamist, I can’t not mention this book for those who might be interested. If you or your spouse are interested in open relationships, this is widely recognized as the single best source out there.|
|Kinky Sex: The Secret to Long-Term Desire||Jessica Howe gets it. She says exactly the same things that I’ve come to believe, in an approachable, female-friendly way. It’s a great book, and she also provides the “why’s” as well as the “how-to’s”.|
|The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun)||I came across a speech by Sheila online; she’s a sincere Christian who has embraced her sexuality and is a great advocate for those who struggle with seeing sex as sinful. She’s a great writer and speaker. I don’t think she’s quite on board with everything I’m in favor of, but if you’re trying to get yourself or your spouse comfortable with spicing things up, this is a great place to get some help.|
|Sex and God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality||If you are finding that your faith is at odds with your sexuality, this book presents an exhaustive –and readable—examination of sex and religion. I particularly like how the author focused on sex religion-by-religion. However, note that the author appears to have lost his faith, and if you are sensitive to criticism of yours, this book may be hard to handle.|
Sexual Interest – Kink
|Conquer Me||A book by a female submissive for other female submissives. Led to many “aha!” moments for a close friend of mine, and she made her husband read it to help him understand what she was really asking for.|
|Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism||A classic and fun overview into S&M, with some fun pictures and a great checklist. Reading the book together in bed with my wife is still something I remember fondly, especially a few times where she looked at a picture and said, “Oooh… I want to do that,” or nodded enthusiastically to something I’d never has suspected in the kink checklist.|
|SM 101: A Realistic Introduction||if you buy only one book on dominance and submission, this is the one. An updated classic by current kink guru Jay Wiseman. Jay’s books are friendly and approachable.|
|Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure…and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner||The personal story of a married woman’s journey into kink while being married to a vanilla husband. A great and entertaining read, although her decision to go outside of her marriage is not something I’m personally comfortable with.|