What do people get out of spicy sex and exploring the kinky stuff together?

Well, everyone is different, and the spicy recipes that you make with your partner will suit both your individual tastes.

But the true benefit for couples is that this spicy stuff brings couples together and creates intimacy.

I’ve always seen it as just something fun and exciting that my wife and I do together, for ourselves and each other, because it’s a blast and so sexually exciting.  It was only recently when I was talking with a friend online that I realized that technically, that means we have a kinky relationship, and we’re a kinky couple. Hmm.  Okay.  I guess that’s true! And I can live with it.

There’s more to it than power games!

It’s not just kink for kink’s sake. It is creating connection between two people through exploring things together that really, perhaps secretly, turn them on. The person may not be able to explain why it’s a turn on… but being able to trust, explore and experience the excitement of seemingly forbidden fantasies together… how couldn’t it bring two people closer together?

There are tons of fetishes and sexual interests out there to explore! Some seem bizarre: but really, most are understandable and explainable. Examples:

• Spanking – My gal loves being spanked. Heck, it was her idea, although she doesn’t like to admit it. When we do it, for the duration of the “scene” we tie her submission into it, and my dominance. And it’s not really about “correcting” her, although some people enjoy that. It’s more about giving her my full attention, making her feel punished for her dirty thoughts… and punishing her because it turns me on and I want to do it.
• Lingerie – the idea of giving yourself over to being a sexy being… so at odds with being a doctor, lawyer and mother!
• Voyeurism and exhibitionism – it’s exciting to watch, secretly or otherwise.  And it can be a thrill to be watched, to see someone interested in getting a glimpse of you!
• Swinging – We don’t swing, and are happy being monogamous.  But increasingly, people are seeing sex outside marriage as “just sex,” separate from the committed relationship.  It’s a thrill to watch and be watched… this takes it further.  It’s not something for my wife and me, but it’s understandable. Of course, the risks of getting hurt emotionally seems high to me.
• Roleplay – Many of us have trouble letting loose and getting what we want.  But if we play a role –Master, slave, boss, teacher, student, pizza delivery guy, vampire, werewolf, Anna Nicole Smith, whatever turns you on– we can forget who we are, and focus on what we want.  And it’s fun, if you can let go!
• And much more…

We’ll delve deeper into these and other things in other posts… it’s a fun topic!

But the bottom line is that people do have appetites that are getting satisfied with this stuff.

Maybe the desire being satisfied it’s for being desired. For control. For not being in control. For slaking a thirst for new experiences. For trying something that is forbidden, by rules of gender, morality, or society.

Often, our sexual desires tap into subconscious things: I’ve chatted online with a number of guys who totally got into a frenzy fantasizing about their wives having sex with other men. It makes them overwhelmed with lust and desire for their wives, both because another man is interested in the wife and finds her desirable, but so much so they push to get her… proving her value and sexual desirability.  Some even encourage their wives to go through with it.  (What the wives get out of it is a bit more easy to grasp.)  It is agony and ecstasy for these guys, and while not something I personally want to experience from either end, these guys were able to help me understand what they found thrilling and satisfying about it. (It’s an interesting topic, you can learn lots more by googling hotwife or cuckolding.)

And to emphasize one again the one thing that’s not talked about enough is that kink leads to the fulfillment of being able to try out your own fantasies… and have a willing, even enthusiastic partner who helps you make them come true. Or to say it another way:

Kink is connection, and leads to greater intimacy.

Read the next post in the Spicing Things Up Series:  How Normal People Get into Kink: Our Story

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