How do you get your nice-guy husband to tie you and spank you?*
More than that, how do you get him to do it well?
How Do I Get My Husband to Dominate Me?
It’s a very common question… and issue. Many people aren’t comfortable with sexually dominating another, particularly in gender-equal marriages and when there are issues with values or discomfort with any kind of off-the-beaten-path sexual stuff at all.
Also, let’s talk about power dynamics. Over recent decades most women have moved out of subordinate roles, with their own careers and needing to perform in this competitive world. This can be exhausting, and increasingly many women the idea of taking a subordinate role in the bedroom and “letting someone else be in charge of your shit,” as Rhianna said. Submission can be very desirable and exciting, particularly when it’s not something that the same woman would want any other time, but still finds that dominant vibe exciting in bed.
But men have been taught being that dominant jerk isn’t cool anymore. And men are depressingly consistent; we act the same way everywhere, including in the bedroom. Perhaps we do it for the right reasons, but it you’re a gal that wants her hair pulled and ass slapped by your man, who wants him to take the lead and take what he wants at such times, getting him to mentally switch gears can be really, really hard.
Can You Talk About Your Sexual Desires or Watch Movies Together?
You might talk about it, watch movies, read books from the Sexuality Section of the book store and tell him what you want… but these things don’t do a good job really telling him what you want him to do. So the question remains, how do I get my husband to dominate me?
For some couples, talking and exploring together works great, particularly if both people are good communicators and have a natural affinity for the desired roles, and also don’t have some of the common sexual hang-ups like shame and fear of revealing one’s true sexual desires.
One Successful Way to Help Him Understand How You Want to be Dominated
For those who don’t communicate quite so well –which is most of us–,one of the more successful approaches is for the submissive to take on the role she wants to play as if he were really dominating her, and show him what shes want, as if she had just received an order, keeping up a verbal monologue of what she’s imagining he had just ordered her to do, and doing things like lay over his lap and saying things like “Now you’re going to spank me, sir? Please, no, I’ve been a very good girl! You’re going to spank me ten times with your hand? Ooooo….” He’ll get the idea, and as his comfort levels rise, he can start initiating things the way you want… and he wants. Especially if he knows you’re really into it.
We guys worry that we’ll cross the line, and we really don’t want to do that, especially since some of this stuff plays along–and crosses—the line of how we firmly believe women should be treated the rest of the time. For example, I know one woman in particular who like being called “slut” in the bedroom in scenes like this. And I’ll do it, and it makes her hot. But call her that at the wrong time, and it can really hurt feelings. Heck, at times I’ve said that at the wrong time, when she wasn’t fully into the scene… and it hurt. Geez.
The Best Way to Help Him Understand How You Want to be Dominated
For some of us, the biggest challenge has been moving beyond the play scenes, and getting into something more real, even if just in the bedroom. Taking on that dominant role where the gal doesn’t feel that he’s doing it because that’s what she wants, but because he wants to. It’s a really hard thing to explain, so I wrote an erotic book about a couple struggling with this issue and how they finally figured things out after years of butting heads called The Night He ‘Got’ It. You can check it out in my Amazon bookstore. I’d of course appreciate your buying my books, and if possible leaving positive reviews!
*July 2016 Note: The book is relaunched!
*Note: I’ve written with the point of a view of heterosexual couple with the female partner wanting to explore the submissive role. These roles can certainly be reversed, and everything applies to other types of couples as well. I am writing from this point of view because my audience tends to be heterosexual women in monogamous relationships.